Pants: Vintage / Top: Thrifted / Heels: Public Desiree / Clutch: LV
Where am I heading? I’m been faced with this reality a lot lately. It’s as if I’ve been walking in circles the last few years and I have no idea where I’m at and how to get back. As my birthday is around the corner, on the 21st of this month the thought of being one year older means I have less time to make it on the 30 under 30 list, less time to build my career, less time to be young & reckless, less time to have that condo with a view I’ve always wanted, less time to get to where I’m heading, where ever the hell that is. I sat on my bed at 4am last night thinking of the last 26 years of my life, how I got here and what the eff I’m doing, I realized in the midst of the moon light cracking through my window, scribbling in my journal and the tears rolling down my cheek that I create my own direction. I hold the remote control to my life, I can stop and go as I please. I just have to move, I have to always keep moving forward.
I think in your early 20s you’re figuring yourself out, you’re moving out you’re moving on, you’re in college, you’re experiencing do’s & don’t along with a whole lot of wrongs and less than more rights. Life is building you up for all that you’ll be. My early 20s was more like changing diapers and cooking dinners. My early high school years were similar too, I had a loving father that needed me. I became the cook, the cleaning lady, and the nurse all at once, all very quickly for it to end, even quicker. I experienced death with my father and life with my daughter, I experienced a woman’s life in a young girls world.
I was sheltered to the things that really make you, yourself. You know that defining moment in life were it all clicks? The life situations that teach you how bad this world is and how much of an imperfect person you actually are, at the same time you see the world for it’s imperfect beauty and fall in love with all the hardships it’s going to bring you, those character building, finding yourself eff ups that teach you about the real you. I like to think I’m experiencing my early 20’s now; in my late 20’s and I’m ok with that. I’m ok with learning about the parts of me that suck really bad and the really beautiful parts of myself that are not seen by the physical eye. The evolution of me, backwards, not on time and most definitely messy, but none the less, lovely. Time is a huge role in this play of life but in this very minute that I will never get back, how am I making it everything that I want it to be. It’s not about where I’m heading exactly, more about making sure that I’m becoming the best version of myself on the ride there.